She.

I've had dreams rarer than a person might have. Dreams where I am dying, I see how my meat is eaten by various scavengers. Where my soul is an eternal lullaby is carried to where it doesn't know where it is. I've had thousands and thousands of dreams where darkness reigned, where everything was black. But now, I have had the pleasure to dream in reality. And there is this girl, who seems to be made out of dreams... Her long hair, that looks like a beautiful dark sea, flowing through her body, covering her with its veil. So tall she seems to be able to touch the sky in the middle of the day and the stars in the middle of the night. She looks like she's made out of galaxies and constellations, and her face is made of glass... so fragile, and it shines. But she turns out to be real. You will be my desire, the one who will live in the vines at night, living in the wool for the day, I will help you out of this hell, but my beautiful one, you'll be the one singing in the day, making my life bright.

I wake up with a soft light that breaks through my eyelids. I am born again.
My lungs feel alive.
I look around me, just to see me surrounded by shadows... dark figures that surround me like ghosts floating above my rotten body. Flying. Flying as scavengers waiting for my death, to eat my flesh, my soul... all that's left of me.
I close my eyes, and I am flooded by complete darkness.
I hear voices all around me... their voices, I'm confused. I try to extend my senses. Then I wake up again.
Is it a dream? A nightmare? Am I making my on lullaby? I feel a black spectrum on my body... my body scarred by memories.
I close my eyes again. I lost myself.

As I was laying in that bed, so soft, I could not help but feel an emptiness in my stomach, inside me. These have been awful days, weeks, where I've felt so... empty inside, and that pain in my stomach that will not let me forget it. It seems as if it stayed there, to remind me of the situation. The truth is I do not understand anything. I do not know what to do... In fact if I do know. I know what to do... I know I should forget you, be away from you... but I can't. Every time I think "I can do it", the memories attack me. They come at me and sorround me like a black shadow. Why did I have to love you? Why did I have to fall in love with you? With your smile, your kisses, your lips, your hands, your eyes, those dazzling eyes... I love you so much, it makes no sense.

Don’t let the tears of agony consume your heart. Let it beat on in hopes and dreams of a new start.

Heartbeats fast, colors and promises

How to be brave,

how can I love when I'm afraid to fall?
But watching you stand alone,
all of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow
One step closer
I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more...

Roses for eternal love, lilies for sweetness.

Victor: Look, I'm sorry, but ... this just can't work.
Emily: Why not? It's my eye, isn't it?
Victor: No. Your eye is ... lovely. Listen, under different circumstances, well, who knows? But we're just too different. I mean, you're dead.
Emily: You should've thought about that before you asked me to marry you.
Victor: Why can't you understand? It was a mistake. I would never marry you.

To be honest, I don't really think there's someone who could actually understand how this feels. I wonder if there's someone who could, because I doubt it. Highly. Could you understand how it feels to be alone? There are moments when I really believe in that quote "We are all alone, but we are together in this", and sometimes... I just think it can't be true. I just wish this feeling could go away. It annoys me how much of my life that feeling can take away from me. It's like it can take my whole being itself. And sometimes, I really think there will not be a way to get it out. I just really thinkg it will keep by my side my whole life. Feel alone your whole life. That is not possible, is it? Although, I've lived my life feeling completely alone, even when I've been surrounded by people... those people mean nothing next to it. Those people become just... smoke. Invisible smoke. Something you can't touch nor feel. And, is it weird to think these things at 5 AM? I guess it is, but I can't sleep. Even when you feel like you're tired, like you can't be awake anymore. I can't sleep. And this thought is killing me. Why is this so complicated? I've been thinking about it so many times, and I have no answer. I'm hoping, someday someone will make me feel like I'm not alone anymore. And that day could be today, that person could be he, but at the same time, it could be nobody.